Part 2......Did I or Did I Not

Well I'm back and as I promised, I'm going to tell if  I Think I became addicted to painkillers or not. By the time I finish this Post it will be quite clear.    " Did I.......Or Did I Not "

  I do have an additive personality.....I like, in access, everything that's not good for me and everything that's good for me I don't like. I'm to proud, to vain and my wife and grandson say that I have obsessive compulsive characteristics. But I don't really think the OCD thing is true I just like things my way, when and how I want them. I think It's just a man thing and I believe most men would agree they like things the way they want them to. I'm not saying I get my way, but I do try. Remember, I'm married and have been for almost thirty years and that alone in the Addiction Community I could probably be there poster child.This ordeal all started for me with a knee replacement. Couple of days in hospital, couple of months off and than back to work for a few years before retirement. Talk about getting my way and having things the way I want them. I spent almost three years after the knee replacement in and out of the hospital, surgery after surgery and in some of the most intense pain that a person should never have to experience. .....I Thank God For Painkillers..... 

After the knee replacement they gave me Percocet 5mg four times a day and that was OK. Thirty days later was when the knee blew apart and the real pain started. That's when the infection got a good strong hold and when they put the spacer in. For the next six weeks the pain was almost unbearable and this is when I started on the pain patches which I changed every three days. Also at the same time I was taking 80mgs. Oxycontin twice a day and they changed the Percocet to 10mgs. four times a day. When I first started taking this much at the same time, I was in another world. But as time went on the medicine got to where it didn't work as well as it did  in the beginning. That's what I thought anyway. But if you was to ask my wife, she would tell a different story. I look back now and I see that it was a miracle that I made it through the medication let alone anything else. I'm talking about almost three years that it was like this every day.

One thing I realize now that I didn't know than was, that I was supposed to be in pain. I had a bad leg, a real bad leg and no amount of painkillers was going to take it all away. It's like Winter Time,"It's supposed to be cold in the Winter".

My wife says I can get into trouble in my sleep and I pretty much have to agree with her. I'm the worlds best at it. Here I was sitting at home all day every day, feeling sorry for my myself, thinking this was never going to end. Toward the end before I lost the leg I had already pretty much isolated myself from the outside world. I felt all alone, I didn't know about all these amputee support groups. No one ever mentioned it, not even the Doctors. If I would have known about them maybe I wouldn't have become so depressed. Anyway, I finally overdosed on the painkillers and wound up in the emergency room. I'm going to be honest and say what I wanted was just one day without so much pain, so I took an extra dose which was a lot. Well let me tell you it didn't work, all it did was create more problems.

After the leg was amputated and the pain started to leave, I knew I was going to have to do something about the pain medication. When I came out of the hospital all I was taking was the Oxycontin and the Percocet I had already given up the Patches. I had been home almost a month and I was to see the Doctor in a few days and I told my wife that I was going to tell him that I wanted one more prescription of the Percocet and no Oxycontin. I was thinking that I could wean myself off everything with the Percocet. " I was hoping" I don't think my wife believed me, but she was hoping to. And that's what I did. When I told the Doctor what I was going to do he just grinned and never said a word. I don't think he believed me either. So I left there that day with just a bottle of 5mg Percocet, went home that day and took myself off all of it. I say I don't know how I did it, but I really do. I had a lot of help from my family, more than I deserved. I really put them through a lot during that time of fog and haze. And by the Grace of God, he was looking out for me. Another miracle is that if there were any withdrawals I don't remember any. Now, that's the story of Did I or Did I Not, and no I  don't think I was addicted. What do you think? Let me know.